I didn't fall in love with River until after his death. I don't
remember exactly when it was that I began to love him. I remember seeing his
face in a magazine and it just captured me. I must have been about 12 when I
found him (I am now 15). I started to go through a period in my life where
everything was wrong. I was so alone and I didn't know what to do. I was
afraid to pray to God because I had no proof there really was a God. So I
started to talk to River. I knew he was real. He had lived, here, on this
earth. Everyone knew that. I had proof of River. He has been my guardian
angel for so long now, I don't know what I would do without him. I often
wonder where I would be if he was alive. Would I be better off or worse?
Would I even love him then? I don't know. But I do know that I would give
up this love for him to come back to people who love and need him more than
me. I know River is in Heaven, but I wonder if he knows how dearly I love
him. Sometimes things happen that lead me to believe that he does know, that
he does hear my prayers, and maybe, just maybe, he loves me too.
I was only 12 when River Phoenix died. Not knowing much about drugs or
ever really thinking or being affected by death, I didn't pay much
attention to the whole thing. I remember clearly, as if it had happened
yesterday, standing on line in a supermarket and looking at one of the
magazine covers. There was a young man's face on it. It caught my
attention; I asked my mom who it was and she told me he was just a
druggie. I remember the expression on his face, he seemed sad. As time
passed, I learned more and more about this incredible person and about
his umtimely death. Indeed he was very attractive, but the thing which
really affected me was the thought that he had so much to live for, and
then he was gone. It's really not fair. No one ever knows when they are
going to die. Everyone messes up, no one's perfect. Some people mess up
a lot during their lives but never have to pay for it, but River's life
was taken so quick, he wasn't given another chance. I often wonder
where he would be today if he hadn't taken his life. I also wonder if
he wanted to die, if he was trying to escape from everything. What
happened to River also teaches me a lesson; human life is very
precious, and we should do everything in our power to live it, because
we'll never know when it will be gone.
I already send a comment about River a long time ago. I still miss him
and I am really glad that this web site is so well done and such a great
tribute to this incredible person that touched so many people even if in
the end we are strangers to him and his family.
Not very often we can find a beautiful soul like River's . In today
society, everyone doesn't seems to care anymore and everyone is becoming
selfish. People like River are a true gift because they are so
passionate and truthful that they touch and inspire everyone in
different ways. I feel like I lost a brother and so many times during
the day I think about him and the life that he had. I am sad about his
death , but also upset about the fact that he didn't have to die like
I feel now that after three years , River can be found in our heart and
shall forever be in mine. I shall forever be greatful to him for being a
true inspiration to me and the way now I live my life. If you want to
email , please do at email@example.com
River Phoenix was one of the very best actors there really ever was.
He had a lot of talent. In a way a lot of us think alot like him. I
really apreciate the pages you all have put out for him, and I think
if he were alive he to would apreciate it. I never really got to know
him, but he was a part of me. I dont know how many people ever really
got to know him, but they were very luckey. To get inside a person
with a wall like he had must have been very special. In a way he made
all our lives better. Thank you for the things you have done for him.
While I had seen some of River's movies before his death, it wasn't until
after he died that I really paid attention. One of his movies, "The Thing
Called Love," is my favorite. In it he seems so sad. There are some
people who you see, and you just want to reach out and hold them and tell
them everything will be okay. River was one of those people, and I wish
more people had been there for him. But I guess telling someone that
everything will be all right doesn't really work. Unfortunately, it didn't
hold true for River's life. I will always regret his death and what a
waste drugs can lead to of such a valuable life.
I am quite moved by the fact that so many people share my feelings about
River Phoenix. In a way, I always wanted him to myself; I didn't
believe that anyone else "knew" about him like I did.
Out of all the movie star idols that I was into, River Phoenix was the
special one. Years ago, when we were about 14, (I'm 22 now), my best
friend and I would sit and watch Stand By Me over and over again, until
we could quote from it. We used to freeze-frame the video on the bits
where River looked really gorgeous (looking down the barrel of the gun
with Gordie). After that, it was every film he made. All the articles
written about him were cut out; pictures stuck on walls etc. At 16, I
planned to write to him and tell him how much I supported his views. As
I got older and went to University, I thought about him less (although I
had to put posters of him up on my wall). Then, in my first year, at
age 18, I was half-asleep and listening to the radio when I heard the
news. At first, I thought I was dreaming still, but for the next hour,
I panicked, waiting for the next news bulletin. Surely there was a
mistake? When I heard it again, and they mentioned the grim details, I
knew it was true, but at the same time, I just didn't believe it. I
bought every newspaper and went to my lecture. I tried to read the
obituary but the words became blurred as I sat there. I grieved for
days, unable to enjoy myself. Nobody else understood. I think I was
more upset because of what River represented to me. He was such a large
part of my childhood, and he was a dream, a fantasy of mine. For him to
be dead meant the end of all of it - the dreams, the hopes. I would
never meet him (even though deep down I knew I wouldn't). He was gone
forever. That was hard to accept. I suppose I still can't believe it.
I mean, why him? Why him of all people? My fantasy movie star. It
made no sense to me, and the sense of loss was total.
I suppose it's a comfort to know so many people do feel like this, but
obviously for different reasons. I'll always miss River. I never knew
him personally, but he had an affect on my life that I will always be
grateful to him for.
Rest in Peace
When I got my computer last month, I was hoping that there was a River
Phoenix website. I was doubtful since I thought that I was one in a few that
still thought about him on a daily basis. I love this website!! I see that
I am not the only one who loves River and his brillant work. He was a true
talent. He really seemed like some one you could really talk to. He was not
vain, he was genuine. River was a true loss to this world. It bothers me
that his friends couldn't do more for him. If his death taught anything, it
taught about the evils of drugs. Hopefully kids will recognize this and not
make the same mistake.
Keep up this website! It is great!!
He breathed life into whatever he did. Filling it with some sort of raw
realism. All I really want is some patience for him, he was like a deer
caught in headlights of some unexpected monster that devoured his soul.
River was a lost soul, an overwhelmed lost boy who is resting with me. I feel
him all over me now, all over my mind...polluting me with his shadowed heart.
He haunts me with his spirit...I don't want him to leave me, but sometimes
he catches me off guard. I think that God has appointed him as a guardian
angel to watch over me. Sweet boy stay close for I cannot escape the eternal
I was only ten years old at the time of River's death, and only now do I
realize how much he actually meant to me. He wasn't just another pretty
face from the movies, he was an angel. He touched my life in so many ways.
Every year, on October 31st, I sit and cry for hours. Every time I hear his
name or see his face it makes me want to die. My friends all think it's
stupid. They just say "get over it" or " crying won't bring him back." But
hearing those words just makes the pain worse. With every passing day the
pain intensifies. If there is anyone who feels the way I do, or if you just
want someone to talk to, e-mail me at JUDE_RJP@juno.com
River Jude Phoenix
8-23-70 to 10-31-93
As long as he's never forgotten,
he's never really gone.
Sincerely Yours, J*U*D*E
Hello, i just thought i'd drop a line about River. My friend Kelly , who has
a comment up on your page right now, told me how she was interested in River
now and she got pictures and so on. Then just now, she mailed me and said
she mailed you with a comment about River. So i went to the comments page
and read some of the comments incl. hers. Personnally, i was never really
interested with River and i haven't seen many of his films. But i have come
to learn more of him since my friend Kelly is now interested in his life.
Don't get me wrong, i think it's a terrible way to go and i do belive he was
a talented actor and no one should have to die. But i just want everyone out
there to know that what happend could have been prevented. and it was his
choice to do something as terrible as drugs and yes we do make mistakes, but
look at what his mistake did to him.
I would just like to respond to another comment. Rivers drug abuse started
way before My Own Private Idaho, from what I understand there was minor drug
use on the set of Stand By Me. I love River, and I hate what happened to
him, but believe me with time it gets the loss gets easier not less but
easier. It's taken me three years just to be able to sit through one of his
movies without crying.
When I was a very young girl, I discovered River Phoenix. I was a very
sad and lonely person, going through a very difficult time. To say the
very least, he helped me, and because of him, I was able to grow up.
His smile, that amazing smile..... When he died, I ached for him. As
if I had really known him. I really lost a wonderful friend, even if
he never knew I existed. River was an angel. Diane Schoenrock
I believe that River lived like a a pebble balancing on the edge of a steep
cliff. He was the most brilliant young talent in Hollywood, and like most
young talents, he was a commodity. River was unable to deal with all the
press intruding into his life, but I believe that his tragic flaw was that he
did not know who he was. In one interview he said "I have many chameleon
qualities". River practiced an unhealthy method of acting, he became the
character in all aspects of becoming. He exchanged his life for his
characters, and when My Own Private Idaho came along with the drug abusing
Mike Waters...this was to put River into a deadly whirlpool which he was unable
to get out of.
I was only a preteen at the time of Rivers death. I didnt quite
understand just what had happened, or why, or even who he was. I didnt
try to follow up on the incident or even did I give it a second thought.
It was only a short while ago that I saw "Stand By Me" for the first
time, and became intrigued by Rivers life and acting career. I started to
watch more of the movies he'd done, and only now do I realize what a
great loss we did suffer. An amazing actor, a unselfish, non-flamboyant
guy on the whole, who refused to let stardom, and then success go to his
head. Though I am still young, I now see what a great loss this was.
He is greatly missed...
Three years ago I stood on my school's stairs talking about stupid stuff with my
friends when one of them gave me a piece of a torn newspaper
with River's picture on it. I remember thinking to myself 'ho great! another new
information about River'. That was before my eyes understood the word 'dead'. I
just stood there, not able to think, not able to breath, not able to cry. It
was just another day, you know? and suddenly... Anyway, I did cry, but the
strangest thing was for two and a half years I didn't think about it. It was
denial, and a very long one too...half an year ago I saw 'my own privat idaho'.
It was the first time I saw any movie of him since the day he passed away. In
the middle of the movie I started crying. I couldnt stop. I sat there, infront
of the Tv screen crying it all out. 2.5 years of not thinking about him. And
since then, I cant rest. I watch all the movies of him I can get, buy
everything of him I can find. Because he was my idol, before he died. He was
the human being I belived everyone should dream to be like. He was a great
actor, a great person, a great everything...
And now, I need help. I need someone to talk to, someone that will
understand... If anyone feels like writing me... I'de like that very much.
Missing You, River
- Yael firstname.lastname@example.org
Hi! I am a huge River Phoenix fan! I mean huge!!! I know everything
about him!!!! I love him so much! I think that now he is dead, people
only look at his bad qualities. Like for instance, the fact that he is
dead. He just had a frusterating life and didn't want to seek help. He
didn't want to drag people into his problems. He didn't think people
would understand, so he didn't tell anyone about his addiction to
drugs. I love him very much and I know that if he told just one person
about his problem, he would have had everyone in the world helping him.
Thank you so much! Love River's #1 fan always, Shanna Wahl
When River Phoenix died I was 10 I just heard about his death on t.v.
I had know idea who he was except that he was an actor. I just watched Stand
By Me it was the first time I watched it. I found out that he was in it at
the end It is such a great show It's my favorite movie so far. I knew how
he died but I just wanted to read more info on him I heard he was a great
man he was very concerned about the world but i just don't get it why did
he died he was/is such a great person. I guess he was to special to live
down here any longer so god took him up thier to live with him. His soul is
alive still he lives in everyone of us.
May the River run eternally.
your a star who has fallen
but will always shine.
River: A relatively large natural stream of water.
Phoenix:A bird of legend said to consume itself by fire after centuries
and rise renewed from its ashes.
he may live a legend.
he shall be remembered as some one who lived his life the fullest.
May his soul rest in peace.
requiescat in pace (rest in peace)
August 23, 1970-October 31,1993
I Will love and remember you always,
may you live, love always
This past summer I went on vacation to Lake Erie. In the eveining I
went out by the lake and looked out onto the horizon. The sky was full of
wonderful deep warm colors. I sat and watched till the sky durned a deep
navy and the stars began to become visible. During that time I had alot of
time to think of things. I thought of alot of different things, but one I
really remember was thinking that I wasn't alone in seeing this beautiful
sunset. For some reason this sight got me thinking about River. For a while
after his death I cried every night. And then I went through a time of being
angry at him. But I then realized how at ease I was with his death, and for
one reason only. I knew that somewhere out there River was seeing my sunset.
He was enjoying the beautiful colors and and the peaceful enviroment. I
used to think it was a shame that he had died and was missing out, but I
think he is seeing it all with all of us.
"Run to the rescue with love, and peace will follow" - River
I just wanted to say that I miss river every day...
I hope he`s happy were ever he is.
I will see in heaven....
Initially River Phoenix was no more than a funny name and a pretty face.
I can clearly recall, at the age of 10, hearing my older sister discussing
his stunning good looks with her friend, "but he's so weird!!" she
As the years went by my sister and her friends found new heart-throbs to
obsess over, yet, for some reason, River stayed with me, deep within my
heart. Movie after movie, no matter how ridiculous, or remarkable, I
watched the talented actor manipulate sentences, words, and syllables into
the most poetic of prose.
At age 19, River remains the source of all my inspiration, and the birth
place of my hopes, fears, and intentions. As rare as true love may appear
to be, I have uncovered the strongest of emotions through River's
In order to begin to understand River, we must comprehend the sheer
dynamics of his character, one of so much love, hope, and benevolence. It's
so much easier said than done.
Rather than looking at River's passing as a loss, I prefer to view his time
here as that of blessing, like an angel on a mission. River blessed us
with his presence, love, honour, charity, and talent...He has moved on to
share his gifts elsewhere:
There is no need to fear
the soft white light
that pulls him gently between,
Water to Earth
Earth to Fire
Fire to Wind
Peaceful and Warm,
He is safe,
He is between
- Jennifer Sabbah (Toronto) email@example.com
A little poem to those who have lost a loved one:
Death is nothing at all. I have only slipped away into the next room. I
am I and you are you, whatever we were to each other that we are still.
life means all that it ever meant; it is the same as it ever was; there
is unbroken continuity.
Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight?
I am waiting for you, for an interval, somewhere very near-just round
the corner.All is well. I love you River, for always and forever......
I thought that I was the only person who was so upset by the death of River..... Well I
was very wrong. These pages prove that River was so special to so many people and he
touched everyone's soul . When I first heard the news about his death I was
shocked. I started to cry like I lost my own brother and in many ways I did. We both had
a similar childhood and after I saw Stand by Me I thought he was the brother I never
had. We both come from a very different family and I always understood the pain that he
was going through. We lost an incredible person and an amazing actor. I miss him every
day . I just hope that River is now finally happy, wherever he is . I know that he will
never be forgotten and he will always have a special place in my heart.
Recently the anniversary of River's death made me see that although the
pain is still there, it's slowly hurting less (maybe eventually it will
become bearable). Knowing that I am not the only person who feels the
way I do is is partly what keeps me sane.
E-mail me if you know for sure that it was soul-bonding love for him and
not just infatuation my name is Susan my e-mail adress is
And "Elvira" (the girl who left a message about a month ago) if your
still out there, contact me, - please.
River Phoenix was the nicest person, he was incredibly talented and many
more things. My best-friend Courtney knew River and she was crying for days
and days when he died, she was at the Viper Room that night, it was a
terrible tragedy for her and for lots of people. I just hope River is happy
and I wish he would know how much Courtney loves and misses him. BTW- I never
got to meet River.Jessica
I guess it was about this time three years ago
that I was in Rome. I just happened to be looking
for that fountain he was at in "My Own Private
Idaho". It was so unreal to hear from one of the
friends I was with who had just called her mother
back in the states, and found out that River
Phoenix was dead. I walked aroud in a daze, half a
world away, completely detached from the
sensationalism of America who was mourning a star.
He was the boy in my locker in Jr. High.
He was the boy who inspired vegitarinism to a young
girl who only ate two kinds of vegetables.
(That one I don't admit too often)
I have seen you many times touching life and each time you gave more
than you took. Saying goodbye River is like a universe that I can't
comprehend. It is not enough to be what we are, or think we are, for
life reflects we are so much more.
Within you lived a soul too beautiful for words, too filled with love
for conditions, too eternal for comprehension. A soul simply wishing to
manifest itself into life by feelings, to be understood and to
understand. By giving love and so much of yourself to other people you
lost a part of yourself. I'm sorry that I could not be there for you,
and even now the tears fall as snow upon frosted ground.
I will always remember you River, and I hope that like the bird which
burned itself in a fire after living for hundreds of years, you will
again arise in the radiant flower of youth upon the shoreline of
eternity. I just want to be there. So until then... goodbye
River Phoenix is the first person I've ever loved. And so far he's the only
person I've ever loved. Some people think loving somebody that you've never
met in person just can't be, but for most of you reading this Comments and
Feedback page on the "River Phoenix Pages" site, I'm sure it's very easy to
understand. I love him now, and there will always be a special part in my
heart for him forever. That's why I want to let him be, up there in heaven.
The direct cause of River's death, of course, is an overdose, but personally
I believe his death was because of pressure; pressure from the fans and
society and the burden of fame. That sensitive and private River Phoenix
couldn't cope with all that papparazzi. He probably still would have tried
drugs from curiousity growing up, but perhaps he wouldn't have had the need
to depend on them if he weren't under all the pressure and stress. This is
only my opinion, and I don't want anybody to feel guilty of his death in any
way. We must all remember this beautiful human-being, I'm not in any way
saying we shouldn't, but I don't want to be making a big deal out of his
death after three years. His death was a tragedy, but I don't want to cling
on to the sorrow and be like "Oh, why did you have to go?" for the rest of my
life. A fraction of me is still mourning his death, and that will never go
away, but I don't want to turn River into a messiah or a god and worship him,
and I don't want the rest of the world to be doing that either. Now that
he's gone, he deserves what he wanted, to be left alone, away from all the
attention. I love him, and that's why I want him to be happy where he is.
"........why don't you let him be?
give his mother & his father peace
your vulture's candor
your casual slander
you murder his memory
it's nothing but a tragedy......."
from Natalie Merchant's song "River" in
her album, Tigerlily