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River Phoenix was a lost soul in the wicked world. He was washed under the suffocating waves of society. A fallen angel and someone who's existence was unfairly ripped away from him. River touched so many lives in a way that few people ever could hope. Someone once told me that you can make more sense of life lookin' back on it then when you're living it. After three years the shock and amazement that someone so beautiful was so vulnerable. All I know is that River's song was vibrant and sweet and it ended way too soon. A fallen angel in the hands of fate, singing in the wind. Gone, but never forgotten, we miss you, River.

River's song
----Chalan, my email address is

River was such an angel, I like that he actually did look like an angel. He was so talented and wise well before his years. He always cared for other peoples feelings, putting people first before himself. I really admired River and still do till this day. He was an superior actor and he deserved every award. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about River. His spirit is still so alive within me. Our heart is his home now and may it be peaceful and secure. I hope that you are happy dearest River.

River Jude Phoenix


If anyone out there would like to e-mail me, please do at:

A dedicated animal rights activist and environmentalist, River Jude Phoenix was a wonderful person. River was known for helping everyone and everything, even if he neglected his own pain. He may not have been on this planet very long, but his love and passion will live on in the people he touched.


River Phoenix was a saint. He was so unique in everthing he did and everything he believed in. He will never be forgotten. Sometimes I feel so sorry for him because it was like he had a message and no one seemed to hear him until the early morning hours of October 31, 1993, just 9 days before my 13th birthday. He wanted to be heard and let his message be said, but his life came to an end before he could say what he wanted. I don't think that he was meant to be on this earth longer than his 23 years because when he was 10 he seemed much more advanced than a 10 year old and acted like he was actually 15 and when he died at the age of 23 it seemed that his life was so full of experiences that no one his age could ever match up to. He was such a beautiful, loving and caring human being that his spirit will live on in all of our hearts and souls. God Bless you dearest River.


August 23, 1970
October 31, 1993

If anyone out there would like to talk about River e-mail

I miss River greatly, not just because he was a great actor, but a caring, generous person who wanted to do something about the world. I doubt that there will ever be anyone who was as beautiful as he. I have learned many things from him that I will always carry in my heart and remember. His mother, Heart, was right in thinking that River was an angel sent from God. If anyone shares my thoughts, then please e-mail me.

Jennifer Tarlton

River Was And Is A Big Influence In My Life As Well As Many. I Used Many Of The Same Drugs As Did He In My Life Untill That Day. Oct 31 1993. I Am 3 Years Younger Than He Was And I Understand. I Am Not One That Learned Of Him When He Died But As He Reached His Star Standard. From The First Time I Saw Him I Fell In Love, At The Time It Was For His Looks , But Then I Found Myself Trying To Get To Know Him And Who He Was. At This Point I Knew That It Was Love. He Was A Perfect Person To Me. I Wanted To Be A Part Of His Life, As He Was A Large Part Of Mine. As I Look Back Now At This Fine Tribute To Him, I Am Saddened Even More. I Am Now 23 And Married To A Wonderfull Man. He Resented The Fact That I Was In Love With River, He Felt Threatened By This But I Try To Assure Him That He Is THe Only One For Me Now I Think That He Finally Believes Me. He Has Let Me Put A Fabulous Photo Of Him On The Wall In My Office. By Him Doing This It Assured Me That This Is Indeed Love, And That He Can Respect The Love That I Once Held For River. All That I Can Say Is "River, You Will Be Loved In My Heart Always, Always."

There Are 13 Movies That River Made. I Own Them All But One - "A Circle OF Violence: A Family Drama 1986". It Was Never Released On Video. If Anyone Could Help Me Out By Helping Me To Obtain A Copy I Would Be Eternally Grateful.

Thanks For Letting Me Vent :)


I'd like to say that River was a wonderful person. I believe that he was influenced easily and was willing to do anything that he was asked. After he bought his family a home in Florida I think he became more distant from his family knowing that they had a home and there was no need to worry about money issues. Basically all through his teenage life he was put with the responsibilty to provide money for his family. That put a lot of presure on his heart and when he finally gave his family a home he decided that he was going to enjoy himself. If people only knew that towards the end of his life that he was not as well as he used to be, he would of been given help, but no one saw it. I think he was also suffering from internal conflicts, and he knew that no one was listening to him. Let his spirit and sould live on in the hearts of his fans and friends, for he will never be forgotten.

River Jude Phoenix
"Forever Young"
"A beloved Son, Actor, and Brother"
August 23, 1970
October 31, 1993


RiVeR, I watch your movies over and over, day after day, and I think maybe someday I will get over your death. When I watch them I laugh and cry, but afterwards, when I'm laying in bed thinking of you and praying for you, I mostly cry. I've cried myself to sleep so many nights, feeling like crap, almost as if I was going to die. I don't know if I have the right to feel this way, but this feeling never goes away. I really don't know if you are happy now, I really hope you are. It's strange because throughout all your movies I can see a piece of you in verey film you've made. You have such a strong imapct on my life, and I'm sure for many many others. If only you thought twice that night, but there are so many "IF ONLYS". All I can do now is accept your death and pray evrey night, and hope that you found the happiness you always wanted.

Please email me at "RIVERAIN" if anyone ever needs to talk.

Love you River,


In response to Lisa writing about Heart's vision of River before he died, I think that Heart is full of shit. She is obviously pained by the loss of her son BUT instead of admitting that River had an indifferent upbringing which led to his downfall, by spinning this crap she is comforting herself by his death. Why can't she admit that he ended up an addict. Maybe because she knows that she and her husband have a lot to answer for. They are the ones that fed him to the vultures. They expected him to support them, his family and all the other free - loaders.They were the ones that sat back in an attempt to carry on their hippy - bullshit dream. It just seems that River was always giving, but who was there when he really needed someone? Who was there to tell him he was a fool and needed to wake up to himself? River loved his mother with all his 'heart'. I guess that just shows what sort of guy he was. He was the one who continued to support them. But who was supporting him? Who ever supported him? He shouldnt have died in the demeaning manner he did. I wonder what Heart thinks about that??????


Hear say hear now River, I've heard you've lived in the hearts of many. You live in mine as well, bro. I remember you in My Own Private Idaho--we all live on with your memory. You have helped me understand more about the beauty of life and the natural world and even though yours ended all too soon way too soon I know you're happy in your next life up with the good Lord. God bless us all and you in heaven where your spirit lives on. Maybe drugs defeated your body but they will never defeat your soul or memory. You're spirit is safe with God. Peace, now.

Support your local Rivershop.


I've known who River Phoenix was for as long as I remember, although I was only three when his first movie came out. I'd seen bits of his movies, and heard talk of him often. And I've always liked him. But it wasn't until very recently--right after I saw "Stand By Me" the whole way through--that I really started to take notice in him. I've seen a lot of his movies since then, and am now reading "Lost in Hollywood." But, of course, now he's been gone for almost three years. Now it's too late. I'm just sorry I didn't notice him before it was too late. I think I would've been a devoted fan through his whole career, if I had been older. River was an incredible actor. He was so amazing that what he did almost wasn't acting. He became the character, and just lived through it. He just told the truth as the character. I admire his ability and technique. Except for the part of him that was connected with drugs, I admire everything about him. River was an incredible person, with an amazing life, that was ended much too soon. I think about him a lot, and it makes me happy at times, and sad others. It hurt all his fans, including me, when he died. But for me, like many others, The River Flows Eternally. We love you, River.

Today is River's birthday, Aug. 23 96. Would have been 26. His amazing grace remains a wonder to me. His death still a shock. Not because of how he died, but that he is no longer with us. His talent, integrity, convictions should be remembered, not diminished. He and his family should not be slandered. None of us are pure or without our own faults. Miss you Riv, happy birthday.
Be at Peace.


Does anyone else think of River practically all the time? I am reminded of him often, by everything around me. I have only one person in my life who shares the same feelings about River as I do, and that's not enough. That's why I am so glad for all of River's loving and devoted followers on the Internet. You will never know how much our common bond means to me.

I didn't really know who River was before he died. And I didn't become a fan of his until about May of last year when I watched "Stand By Me" for the very first time. Since then I've seen all his movies and I own all but two. I'm sure I would have been a fan of River's all along had I been older. You see, I was only eleven years old at the time of his death. Now fourteen, I don't feel as though I understand everything he went through during his life, but I do think I understand why he did what he did during his short time on Earth.

For those of you who don't already know of the vision that Heart Phoenix had two days after River's death, I'll tell it to you. I read this a while back in the book "Lost In Hollywood":

The story is that when River's soul entered his body, he bargained with God as to how long he would stay on Earth. He didn't even want to come at all, since he told God that he'd rather stay with Him. When River finally agreed to come, God told him he'd stay for fifty years and do as much good as he could. But River only wanted to stay for ten. So God backed down a bit and said thirty years. Eventually, they both agreed on twenty-three since there are twenty-three chromosomes in the body.

A poem I wrote:


Think what you will of my poem. I wrote it while watching the sun set over a beautiful lake earlier this summer. It's my way of saying that River lives on somewhere on this Earth. If he's part of all of us, or just one two-and-a-half year old child, I don't know. But I do know that none of us will ever forget such a huge influence in our lifes.

River, I promise with my life that you will never be forgotten.


River Phoenix---not only was he "one of the most gifted actors of his generation," he was a strict vegetarian, committed to saving the environment, and full of noble ideals and good intentions. Such a human-being died suddenly of a drug overdose on the morning of Halloween at the age of 23. I think every one of those affected by River Phoenix had a feeling of guilt more or less inside them. The lyrics to Natalie Merchant's song "River" in the album Tigerlily are exactly right.

"the loss & pain of it
crime & the shame of it
you were gone...."

For me, it was even worse because I hadn't even known who he was until his death. After his tragic death, I watched Stand By Me as well as other movies in which he starred in, and also read his biography, Lost in Hollywood: The Fast Times and Short Life of River Phoenix and was deeply moved by what he had accomplished in his short life. Even if I had been his fan much earlier and followed his career from his debut in the movie Explorers till his last completed film, The Thing Called Love, I probably would have never met him in person and I know I would have never had the chance to be his friend. I know that even if I had known his existence before his death, I couldn't have saved him. I know. But sometimes I feel like I could have and should have and that it's all my fault. I feel like I have committed a crime, and I'm ashamed of it. This feeling of guilt is something I have lived with since his death, but there's nothing I can do. I have to be strong, just like he was. I know I have to live and enjoy my own life for River's sake as well. After knowing and understanding who River Phoenix was, I hope to have become a better person. I've learned to love and care for all living creatures. I am now more aware of environmental issues. I also became a vegetarian. It's one of the few things that I can do to remember and to pay tribute to this wonderful person.

~~~~~~The Eternal River may be rough at times, but it flows forever strong~~~~~~

River's performance in Private Idaho is devastating. Utterly heartbreaking, the embodiment of desires unfulfilled, towards the absent mother and towards the very present Keanu. Immeasurable sadness emanates from his acting in this film.

A poem, from the early 20th century Austrian poet Georg Trakl, who died of a cocaine overdose in the midst of the carnage of WWI:

To One Dead Young

O the black angel, who stepped softly from inside the tree,
When we were gentle playmates in the evening
At the edge of the bluish fountain.
Peaceful was our footstep, our eyes wide in the brown coolness of autumn,
O the crimson sweetness of stars.

But he descended the stony steps of the Moenchsberg,
A blue smile on his countenance, and strangely cocooned
In his stiller childhood, and died;
And in the garden the silver countenance of the friend remained behind,
Listening in the foliage or in old stone.

Soul sang death, the green corruption of the flesh,
And it was the rustling of the forest,
The ardent lament of the prey.
Always the blue bells of evening rang from the dusky towers.

The hour came, when he saw shadows in the crimson sun,
Shadows of decay in the naked branches;
Evening, when the blackbird sang beside the dusky walls,
The spirit of one dead young appeared silently in the chamber.

O the blood which flows from the throat of the singer,
The blue blossom; o the fiery tears
Wept into the night.

Golden cloud and time. In a lonely chamber
Often you invite the dead one for a visit,
Beneath elms you wander closely conversing down the green river.


if only you could hear us, maybe you would realize how important you still are to us, your fans. You still mean everything to me, and I think about you, dream about you, still see your handsome face in my mind all the time... I just want to know are you finally happy?

I love you, river.
Fire Walker

People may think River Phoenix was a druggy and a bad person! But when they say that, I say to them "Are you him? Do you know him personal? Do you live with the problems he lived with? I don't think you ever did? So don't say he did drugs because he wanted to! I think it was his escape!"


River Phoenix is the most beautiful actor that will ever live in my heart, but I am aware that his life was filled with hypocrisy. He was only a facade. Clearly, he loved cocaine and heroin more than life itself, but he made his choice. There are people that we often dub as "too good to be true" and certainly, he was, to me at least.

Nancy Leu

I am sorry that it all had to end like this. I don't know who he is. I don't think anybody really did. All of this ended. The heartache, the anxiety, the happiness, the beauty and the pain.... all ended that night. If I could have done something..... I would have. But everything went by so fast. It all goes by too fast. So fast that we rarely have the chance to catch up with ourselves and say, "Hey, who am I? What the hell am I doing?". I guess that somewhere, somebody knows the answers. He grew up too fast. He let the hours as well as the days as well as the years slip through like sand. You couldn't catch it if you tried. Where did it all go? Where is he now? River, if ever you knew the answers.....


To start out, I dont fully understand much about River's life. His adoring fans and the media that write about him know nothing. They cant say they knew anything about him because they never really knew him. What I believe about River is that he was a very underprivlaged guy. The way he was brought up is part to blam for his problems, then it is his asshole parents. It was all good and well that they loved nature and animals and everything, I do too, but they were just too selfish to realize the intense burden they put on their son. River was obviously a beautiful person inside and out. His acting reflected his real personality because he made it all so real and obvious. Like it was said," you would turn the camera on and he would just tell the truth." I believe that every time I watch his movies. He was the person that everyone would want as a best friend or a lover. I only wish he was still here to continue his work in the movie business and his band Aleka's Attic. If only they would somehow make and album with his 15 songs he had on a demo tape. I would love to hear his music. I play the guitar as well and I often think of him when I play and even write songs about him. I dont idolize him, I dont worship him. I think he is just someone that should always be remembered for his generosity,beauty, and love for the natural world. Remember, he is not gone. Talk to him, he will help you. It may sound crazy, but I feel he does listen and sometimes responds. I hope I find someone like him that I will spend the rest of my life with. Dont read the lies, remember the truth. If I knew you River, I would love you.


p.s. if anyone knows where I can find posters of River, please email me at

I just think that River was a wonderful person and that we should all remember him for that warm , loving , gentle person he was and forget about the bad stuff said about him. with love Jamie Edwards

I wanted to share with everyone that when River died a lot fans like ourselves went through suffering. But someone has suffered longer than all of us and that is Samantha Mathis. She has not dated since his death. That was four years ago going on five! I know she must have loved him very much. I feel so bad for her. He died for being his wild self, I wish he would've had the strength and power and be saved.

Hi, I don't really know where to start. I was only 12 years old when River died, and at that time, I wasn't really into watching movies or obsessing over actors. But I had seen the movie Stand By Me, and I liked it. A few months ago, my brother came home from a vacation with my cousins and said "We have to rent the movie Dogfight, with River Phoenix, it's so good!" So, we went and got the movie. We only had it for 2 days before we had to return it to the video store, but I watched it 4 times. I just loved it. i couldn't get it out of my head, I just kept thinking about River, and I didn't know why. So I decided to get on the internet and see if there was any information about him. And of course, there was. I was on the computer from 12 noon until 8 o'clock pm. i just kept following along in the River Phoenix Ring. I read every page I came across. I just never wanted to stop reading.

I'll admit, I do think River is very good looking, but that's not what kept me reading. I just felt some weird connection with him, I just wanted to know everything. And then, I got really mad at myself, for not noticing him before this. I was so angry that i didn't like him before, when he was still alive. I felt so cheated, like he was taken away before I got a chance to know him. I know it sounds strange, buts he's all I think about. i get on the internet and read these pages, over and over , the same ones, and it never gets boring. I really do love him, he was a great actor, and as far as I know, a great person.

As for his family, and the comments people are making on them, it's not fair. The only thing we know is what we read. And that isn't enough to judge someone by. I would love to say, that I know alot about River Phoenix, but really, I don't. i just know what I read, and then I make my own judgements from there. But for us to blame his death on his parents just isn't fair. I miss him just as much as anyone, but we can't point fingers, God knows what he's doing, and he does it all for a reason. So don't try to analyze river's death, just remember him for the remarkable life he had.

I love you River.

It's hard for me, saying goodbye to someone that i adore, that i admire, that i love very much. Well, what can I do? If there is anything that can bring him back.....maybe I would do anything. He was my life, he made my life worth living.....But now he's gone, he left me without clues. He left all his fans, and "he left the world, the earth that loves him, more than me". Like he says "it's so unfair starting a birth, still mestreating Mother Earth." Well, then I reply, "it's so unfair leaving this beautiful world, while it's needing you most."

River, you don't know me. But I know you, I know and i love you more than anyone in this life. Now, you're not here enymore....I'm sad, but I could not cry. I want to scream but people could not hear my voice. I do pray for you, praying for you to have a nicer life than here in this world, the world that has already betrayed by us. I trust God, I believe he took you for good reasons, that he didin't take you for nothing. He took you, because there are better tasks for you, than to see us here betraying Mother Earth. Don't you think so, Rio?

I was looking for a chance to see you, but now you're gone...goodbye River!

November 4th, 1993


You have a great site and a great tribute to River. Honestly, I had not thought about him in years only because his death was so traumatic for me. It was pretty strange stumbling onto this page because I had consciously not watched any of his movies since his death.

I wonder if River ever knew how much people really loved him. I think he was a guy overly-obsessed with being real. I remember in one interview he kept apologizing for letting down his fans and for having his ego become too big after he did Jimmy Reardon. I remember thinking that wow, this guy, IS real.

River actually reminded me of some people I knew in real life, people who were young, gifted, and seemed to have everything materially but who are now just wasting away on drug and alcohol binges. I used to have a life like that but am now light-years away from it. Really, you can't help but think what could have been if he had been able to overcome his drug problems.

I cried my eyes out when he died, for weeks it seemed. Since then, I've pushed any conscious thought about him out of my mind. I think I'm in a better mindset to come to terms with this now that I'm older, but I still feel twinges of sadness just even remembering how he died.

Anyhow, I am glad that there is an outlet for those who still remember and love him. Thanks for having this site.


I have been a fan of River Phoenix since I saw him in "The Thing Called Love". I remember it so well, like it was only last week. It was in 1995, I believe. Cinemax had a Sandra Bullock marathon, and they showed "The Thing Called Love". I only recorded it because I had seen ads for it on the prevue channel and thought that I should at least see it. I recorded it and watched it later in the week. I thought it was a good film, I especially loved the scenes that River was in. I thought that he was a great actor, but he seemed different than he was when I saw him in "I Love You To Death". I couldn't quite figure it out, I was aware of the circumstances surrounding his death, but I wasn't sure if he was on drugs while filming this movie or not. I decided to try to watch his other movies, and the next was "My Own Private Idaho". My friend had rented it and I asked to borrow it. When I watched it, I thought it was good. For a while, I forgot about River. Eventually, I began to get interested again. I went out about the book, "Lost In Hollywood: The Fast Times and Short Life of River Phoenix" by John Glatt. It gave me more insight into his life. I was not aware of his humble beginnings in South America and Aleka's Attic, among other things. I was sad to learn that he almost didn't take the roll in "The Thing Called Love", if he didn't take that roll I would probably never would have developed an interest in River. I also learned about his drug use, and how bad it was. I eventually bought the movies "The Thing Called Love", "My Own Private Idaho", "Running On Empty", "Stand By Me", and "Sneakers". I had also seen the movies, "Explorers", "The Mosquito Coast", and "A Night In the Life of Jimmy Reardon". Every once in a while, I begin thinking about his drug use, if there was any possible way that he could stop it. When I think about that, it makes me want to be able to turn back time, to go back to that night and prevent River from going to The Viper Room. But I realize I can't, and that makes me sad. Sad for all the lost opportunities that he could have had. He was so young, only 23. He could have lived a long life, getting married and having kids. I'm sure that Heart and John would have loved to have some grandchildren from their first born. But because of that night, it can never happen. Once in a while, I have outlandish ideas concerning River, like the ones surrounding Elvis and JFK. Maybe he faked his death or something like that, but I know that that's not possible. Now, you never hear anything about him, except saying that he's Joaquin or Rain Phoenix's brother. I think that after all he did, for PETA and different organizations, he shouldn't be known only as someone's brother. In a way, that's lessening all his charitable work. I'm not condoning his drug use, either. He shouldn't have died. Someone should have stopped him. A lot of people probably knew about it, but didn't try to stop him. In a way, they are held responsible for his death. If they had done something in the beginning, I wouldn't be writing this.

Abby (Abby555)

River Phoenix was someone I achingly wished to be and, failing that, someone I achingly wished to be with.

His death was the only death of someone I didn't know personally, that affected me personally. Very, personally. I am writing this four years after River's death. And it still hurts.

River was that rarest of human beings, the archetype. I won't go into what kind of archetype he was. I think we all know implicitly.

Like many others, as devastated as I was by River's untimely death, I was also angered. He didn't die; he was killed. Not directly, of course, but indirectly. I have very specific culprits in mind: his selfish, vain, arrogant, hypocritical and flakey parents. Like all too many, they regard their children - River in particular - not only as messengers to disseminate *their* ideas, *their* values, their fatuous intellectual baggage, but also their meal ticket.

If we cared about children - as we profess to do so self-servingly, but fail to do so cravenly - we would have rescued River from a gypsy-like upbringing that wasn't up to the standards even of inner-city ghettos. No wonder he was unprepared for life. Despite what he was up against, I think he had the potential to shirk the yoke of Heart and John's idiotic upbringing. But luck wasn't on his side.

And what of the claims expressed by much of the public, and implied by his self-serving parents that River "brought this on himself"? It's true that when River OD-ed at twenty-three he was technically an adult. But thanks to his upbringing, River remained a virtual child.

To say that children are responsible for themselves is nothing but a cop-out by the same people who believe that mental defectives should be "mainstreamed." Anyone who witnessed River Phoenix could see the classic signs of an emotionally needy boy, who hadn't been weaned, who hadn't been equipped, who hadn't been lovingly disciplined.

For all their professed respect for animal life, River's parents didn't have the integrity to actually look at their "brethren" to see how hard animals work to raise and equip their offspring for life on their own. Working for your children - being responsible for them, yet not owning them - is one of the great sacrifices that enobles parents of all species. Thanks to Heart and John, "ennoblement" wasn't part of the Phoenix vocabulary.

Of course, River's parents would point to all the "love" that flowed in the Phoenix household. Well, while love is necessary, it isn't enough. Just like permissiveness under the guise of "freedom," love can also be a cop-out. "Oh, we may not have been good providers," they will say, "but he never lacked for love." I say Bullshit. What you gave River wasn't love. It was nothing but self indulgence.

Witness River's funeral. The gathering has been described as part love-in, part wake, part self-recrimination. The precious Hollywood types at that gathering no doubt think that professing guilt at "not having done more" amounts to some kind of atonement. Well, it doesn't.

Pangs of guilt count for nothing; all that counts is this: "All right. River died because of us. Now, what are we going to do to make sure our mistakes aren't repeated by other parents? And when we find out, let's do it!"

What do you think the odds of that happening with the Heart, John and their ilk are? Woe to the unfortunate innocents, like River, who must endure such parentage.

Like little Jessica, who was killed flying an airplane she could hardly see out of, or like little Jon Benet Ramsey, who gave her life as a pre-pubertal beauty queen, River wasn't raised - he was used.

Heart Phoenix and her husband John. What a choice pair. Heart, with your self-conferred "heart," so easily proclaimed and so poorly lived up to. And John. Making your little boy your drinking partner. . . . What a piece of work you both are!

River, dear sweet River, you didn't have a chance.


my name is brandi i feel river should of got a memorial the day after he passed away.

i never met him but felt as though i new him , its going on 4 years i still cant believe it. oct, 31 was one of the worst days for me. i still think about him and still look at his pictures every day and still watch his movie he is truly the best actor of generation x

I am only 14 years old and only found out about River Phoenix after his tragic death. I believe the only way to keep his spirit alive is to follow his ideas and to make his wishes come true. I think if we all keep living in a decent and honest way River would be happy.


I am not sure what to write about a person that was so complex. I thought that I knew enough of River Phoenix to be comfortable in being a so-called "fan." He was the earth boy...the one that knew about life at such a young age but he was just as confused and afraid as we all are. The magazine articles wrote about him in a real way. Even if they made him out to be some drug lunatic, a running on empty was more human than the enigmatic 14 year old with no education.

I feel funny being sad about the death of a total stranger. I remember my sister calling me up at my school and telling me he was on the news. I laughed at her because I thought it was a joke. She always thought it was funny that a college girl still had a crush on a movie star. On the phone with my sister, my roommate came back from the weekend and ran into me screaming. She said, "Did you hear?" Right there and then I knew that my sister wasn't joking but that it was real.

I never had anyone die in my life so it was a new feeling. I didn't tell anyone that I was sad because I didn't want to look like an idiot but I cried that night. I cried all by myself for some guy who I didn't know. I cried all night for some guy called River Phoenix who was one-dimensional because he never popped out of the posters I had. I couldn't imagine how his family felt. I just couldn't.

And then I heard a rumor that Christina Applegate was laughing at him. I wanted to kill her. I never was that angry in my life. I wanted to drive to California from New York and find that woman. Then, naturally, I relaxed because rumors are rumors.

I decided to write him a letter. I knew it was stupid and I knew he was never going to read it but I needed to do it. I still have it and every time I read it, he is alive in my thoughts.

I lost someone in my life. I mean, I liked him since I was a teenager and he was part of my a routine. Like, Patty was short, brunette and she liked River Phoenix. And when he died, it was like God took a part of me away.

Many may feel that I was infatuated with an image. Perhaps, but I grew out of looking at his face and grew into his acting techniques. I began to appreciate that he was the only talented actor in my generation. I began to appreciate the only thing that he left behind too late.

I lost someone in my life who had talent. I think we all lost something valueable. We lost a river.

Patty Martinez

I want to express my love to River Phoenix. I think that he was one of the best actors in the world. His smile, his face, his naturality... Everything. I'll remember him forever and I thing that he will never die untill the remembrance of his films and his live be forgotten. Every night, when I saw all his photos in the walls of my bedroom, I ask me: Why did he has to die? My opinion of this is that he wanted to die and decided to leave his life one night, at Viper's Room, when he saw the oportunity. Many times, I want to die for stay with him in the heaven one once for all.

23-8-70/ 31-10-93

If anybody want to send me his opinion about River Phoenix e-mail me:

Dear River,

I found out who you were from my older sister. I really admire what you did with your life (before you did drugs). You were an incredibly talented actor. You had such a great life. You probably didn't realize it at the time, but you were blessed. You were famous, rich, fine, and everyone loved you. And they still do. I feel that somehow , you can read this letter, and also read what what everyone else wrote about you. I am hoping that now you realize how many people love you, and I hope you learned your lesson. You shouldn't have gone to drugs. But in a way, it is almost good you died. Maybe now, more people will say no. They now can see how tragic drugs are. I know I do. Because of you, I am scared to try drugs, for the fear that I will die too. I love you.

Love Always,

Karina Reybitz

To anyone who reads this page, please E-mail me at I would also like to say it is wonderful what everyone has written, and I would like to thank Richard and Tim for creating the River Phoenix web site.

Some might say that River was a fallen angel. Some others could say he was one of us. Some others could even say he was some kind of freak. He wasn't any of these. I can understand there are many people who really love River. They were drawn by his magic. But we can't say who he was. He wasn't a fallen angel, he wasn't saint and he never fell... He wasn't one of us,he was too strange,too special... He wasn't a freak,he was just something people couldn't reach... If we want to say who he was,let's just say he is our friend,our only personal secret friend!!! Three things we can know for sure about River. First of all,nature was his life and everything that man doesn't make his love. Secondly he didn't belong here and he wanted to be somewhere more quiet. Finally, he had a lot pain inside him tearing up his heart. For me River is a flame which will never be pulled out, he'is a sad song inside my mind,he's the light I see in night, he is the friend I'll never lose.

Here's a song: "Across the Way", by Aleka's Attic, written by River Phoenix and Josh Mckay.

This is something I wrote after reading his poem.

If you want to get in touch with me,my e-mail is:

i had a dream that i saw him in the city. he would disappear and then reappear again. i saw him as an innocent boy, a growing young man and a troubled soul at the end of his time on earth. i followed the car he was in until it came to a bridge and i stopped to see where it would go. i watched as the car moved in slow motion to the edge of the bridge and continued to fall silently over.

why do i feel such a connection with a man i never knew? i think all of us that have contributed to this page feel it. can anyone explain it to me? what was it in his eyes that touched so many people? i only know the helpless feeling i get when i'm reminded of his life. it just makes me wonder if anything's really fair. why would one of the brightest lights we've known be blown out too soon.

i guess it wasn't too soon. he must have been destined to go on to another place. earth wasn't where he belonged, i just can't help feeling sad.

if you have a better handle on these unexplainable thoughts, tell me what you think. thank you,


thank you to the organizers of this wonderfully open site.

I was just writing y'all to say that I also think River was a very cool guy. I searched everywhere on the net for him but found little until I came across your website, but anyways...
I think River was amazing and I was very shocked to discover he was supposed to have the role Christian Slater has in Interview with a Vampire.
I would also like to say I like the idea about preserving some of the rain forest on behalf of River was a great idea because his parents totally seem to appreciate nature.
This is a poem I wrote about River:

Full of Hope

Stephanie Westwood

Into the deep

Into the deep, the long forgotten sleep
You can feel that your eyes are shut closely now.
Where do you know, thereīs no-one that can know
As you lie you can try to be happy now.

Fly brother fly, may you feel love tonight,
Fly brother fly, well I hope you meet your maker.

Enter your heart, and never let it part
Yesterday was a lie so be happy now.
When all you can feel is what you take as real
Come alive, realise itīs a feeling.

Fly brother fly, may you feel your love tonight,
Fly brother fly well I hope you meet your maker.

I know, the time has come to let you go
Time to sleep, to sleep.

This song from Kula Shaker remainds me of River.


Unlike most of the people on this page, I haven't been following River for years. I only saw Stand By Me two nights ago. I found it almost painful to watch him knowing he was dead. He was such a sensitive and beautiful actor I had a hard time stopping myself from crying. Some people might say I've just fallen in love with Chris Chambers but their wrong. He brought something to that role which no-one thought possible. I'm not a religeous person and I don't beleive in heaven, but after seeing River Phoenix, I know we don't just die.

My name is Lena and I come from Greece . I am 15 years old and I belong to River ' s fun . I hate River ' s family . They knew that River was taken drugs but they did not stop him . People wanted River clear , he was their idol and they gave money to watch his movies . River ' s family wanted the money they did not care about his life . Now that River is died Joaquin works . I wish he was not died . His dieth gave me pain .I cry every night for him . It was not fair , he was exploited by his own family ! He looked like an angel . Sometimes he visit me in my dreams and then I feel more pain . I write poems about his blue eyes an his life every day . My friends think I am silly because I suffer for a died man who I have never met . Even now , I am crying because people die and never come back.

My first reaction to hearing the good-day killing bad news of River passing away so suddenly was to not believe it. It had to be some kind of bad dream but it wasn't. So, shocked into reality, I hated the substances that killed him. I had remembered movies like My Own Private Idaho and Running on Empty. I was a big fan of his and needed the gratification of pointing my finger of blame in some direction. Somehow I hoped to find some kind of soothing relief, but I couldn't. And I couldn't totally put the blame on a batch of chemicals and floral by-products. And I couldn't put the blame on a society that endorses hedonism and immortalizes the drug user. As much as I wanted to, I couldn't blame the media which feeds the idea of fallen angels. So I'm blaming it on him. I'm blaming it on him because I wanted to see him play Jim Carroll in the Basketball Diaries. I wanted to see him play in other movies. And he has a family that will never see him again. He has a collection of dedicated fans that will never again see his face on the silver screen or witness him playing for Aleka's Attic. So much for immortality.

But I was lucky and we're all lucky that we were able to be touched by him. River wasn't the kind of person that people liked- people loved him. But fortunately, technology will allow for us to still have him live on with us. We'll still be able to watch his movies he gave us over and over again. And we can smile thinking about what he was, and we'll wipe away the tears from what could have been. Don't ever forget River. And never stop loving him. He suddenly injected him out of a world full of people that loved him- flaws and all.

'stand by me'... even now its the greatest movie (im 21)

why did you have to leave us so soon?

makes me think maybe god's a woman too...


I just wanted to say that I LOVE River, not because of his looks, because of what he believed in. He was my light in the dark, and maybe he still is. I believe all of us who care should folow in his footsteps, and continue what he started. Then in that way he will never die!

~CJ Phoenix

I didn't know who River was before last summer, when I saw Stand by me. I love that movie!!! I'm a BIG River-fan.... And my heart cries, everytime I think about him. I have read books about River, and now I realize that he wasn't just a pretty face..

River, memories of you will never fade.....


The River Never Ends.......

My name is Julie and I'm almost 15--I know I just recently posted a message and a poem on this page, but I feel there are still a couple more things I would like to say. First of all, I just wanted to say that I'm not angry at River for his death, but sometimes I am angry...just at the fact that he IS dead. It's just that I wish I could watch one of his movies and not have to keep reminding myself that he's gone. I see him laughing and riding a bike and playing a piano is his movies, and I have to keep telling myself that he can't do any of those things anymore.

I think if anyone is to blame for River's death, it's society. I think a lot of people just couldn't understand River (or they didn't TRY to), and they were too quick to judge him. I think it's that way for quite a few actors. They get these images and they're nearly impossible to change. And it shouldn't be that way, River had so many other things to worry about without having to strive to change his image. People think that movie stars are on a pedestal, some kind of a cloud where nothing can touch them. A lot of people don't realize that actors are just like us. They have problems and obstacles in life just like us. It's usually even HARDER for them.

I wish that people could have gotten to know the real River Phoenix. He had so much to offer this world, and it's like we didn't give him the chance. A lot of people compare him to an angel, and a lot of people just say he was a regular guy. I think he's sort of a combination of the two. He had something so special in him, something that ot more than that, too.

I just recently saw "Running On Empty" and I thought it was ironic to hear him singing these lyrics from the James Taylor song "Fire and Rain": "Won't you look down upon me Jesus you've got to help me make a stand. You've just got to see me through another day. My body's aching and my time is at hand. And I won't make it any other way."

Here are two poems I wrote about River:

"Lost to the Flame" and "Silent River"

Well, thanks very much for taking the time to read this. And River, it's really such a tragedy that you had to go for us to realize we needed you to stay.


P.S.~Feel free to e-mail me at

When you look into River's eyes you see a mysterious man. His death is an absolute mystery to me. I always wonder about why people do drugs. I realize, and I hope everyone else does to, that It isn't as easy as "Just Say No". People always tell little kids and teenagers to say no to drugs, but there is so much pressure and dessire that goes with drugs. I hope people realize that life isn't always going to be handed to you on a silver platter. Even if you have fame and fortune your life can still end in tragedy, just like River. I will always remember you, River.

Love, Tarsila Reybitz

E-mail me at

Ever since I was 13 yrs old, I have been obsessed with River... He had 'fragile beauty' as was described in a book I read about him. River had a talent that no one could match and I could never forget him in the film 'My own private Idaho which deplicted him as a 'lost boy'. Whatever, or whoever got him into drugs will pay, for the love I had for River and that obsession that I had as a 13 yr old kid will never die.....

My name is Kandy and I am a grieving fan of River Phoenix. I feel like I'm in one of those AA groups when I'm reading the comments on this page. It's really comforting to know that I am not the only one still grieving and crying for him. I know how everybody who wrote feels. I was 10 years old when River died but I didn't know then. I didn't even know who River Phoenix was . I wasn't aware of his existence on this earth. I remember watching the Oscar Awards of 1989, sitting in front of the television, watching people walk in their glittering jewelry and clothes. A young man walks by with mysterious eyes that captivate your own eyes. I leaned over to ask my brother who the man was and he told me- RIVER PHOENIX. Four years after 1989, I heard that someone died and that the someone was a really talented actor. I had no idea it was River but I wasn't depressed like other people.

Until last year, at the end of the school year, someone brought in "Stand By Me" and from then on, I was in love with River. I rented ALL of his movies and I was able to tape two movies- Sneakers and The Thing Called Love. I took out all the magazine articles of River from the library and I ripped them out so i could keep them forever. I slowly read each articles and learned his like in the bool "River Phoenix: A Short Life." I realized that I fell in love with a man that wasn't just good looking but someone who was passionate and lost. I thought I was obsessive and becoming crazy but i couldn't help stop thinking about him and i still can't. I keep a framed picture of him beside my bed.

Last hallowe'en, I sat in my room and cried till my eyes began to ache. I still watch his movies and everytime i see his face, i cry and cry. Most people blame his friends who didn't help him. I thought exactly the same way at first. I was even mad a Johnny Depp for co -owning the Viper Room. I began to realize that THERE WAS ALWAYS a lending hand or a leaning shoulder to depend on. He had friends who tried to help him like for example- Dan Akroyd. Samanthis Mathis was able to get him hooked off but until he decided to take drugs again. I guess he didn't notice us- his loyal fans . We were always there for him.

I thought that the only one to blame was himself. i also thought it was us that made him die. Because we set River's "image", he died. I think that for some "movie stars", once they have reached their peak of fame, they tend to try to hide away from it and become someone who just walks down the street everyday. He tried to escape from all the pressure as a clean living "movie star". He felt like he was superficial. He didn't like it when the photographers tried to make him pose in a certain way because IT WASN"T HIM! He didn't want to be some teen idol but someone who tried to make their mark on the world. Well now he has in a tragic way for most. He is the most talented and gifted actor in the whole entire world.

Have you ever noticed that River rarely smiles in pictures? Maybe it was because he was never happy? Maybe it was because he was never REALLY happy.

" Everyone tried to ignore the telling signs that River was floundering, but he could never fool the cameras."

He would lie down on his patio and yell out to the Heavens, "Take me. I'm ready!" He meant it. Praying to River sounds like a good idea but how do i know he's listening? I wish i could have been in at least the same room as River but i never made it and neither did he. I know i will never forget him, for i have promised myself that my son will be named after him. This way, i will never ignore my love for him.

Maybe it was better this way, i don't know. Maybe this was what River wanted. To Joan Osborne's song: God's face would look like River Phoenix. Even though we see God in everything. God's name would be River Phoenix.Yes, I was mad at him but all is forgiven and all is saved. His soul has been saved. His wounds are healed. He has finally found his peace and freedom. Maybe I'll meet him, someday. I'll look foward to it when I die.

I forgive and drown away all his sorrow into my heart but will River forgive me for not being there to wipe away his tears? My life wouldn't be complete without him and I'm sorry River.


Love always, Kandy
March 19, 1997 (If any one wants to, please email me back with understanding.)

About a month ago, I found out who River Phoenix was. I was only about 11 when he died, so I never really knew exactly who he was; although the name was quite familiar. Now I'm almost 15, and for some reason I feel so close to him. I always thought it was strange that I could feel like I love someone I don't even know, and someone who isn't even alive. But after reading all these other messages people have written about him, I know I'm not alone. I'm very against drugs, and normally I would avoid people like River at all costs. But for some reason, with River, I'm able to look past the drugs and all the bad things, because I know they're not who he really was. Everything he has ever said, touches me so deeply. Even the little things he said, have the biggest meaning. He was so insightful and caring, and I admire him more than I thought possible for that. I sometimes wonder what things would be like if I were his age before he died. Or if I just knew who he was while he was still alive. Would I admire him? Would I be a fan of his? Would things be any different? I guess I'll never know the answers to those questions, but I like to think he is looking down on me from Heaven sometimes. I think about him everyday, although not always intentionally...sometimes I'll just pass by a sign that says something like "River Road" and wonder why he had to die. He had so much insight, and so much light to give this world. Even though God didn't give him the time he needed on earth, he still spread his beauty and really gave it his all. He was one of the greatest actors to ever brush the screen with his presence, and I will never, ever forget what he's given me. I became a vegetarian because of a different actor I admired who was one, but River is the main reason that I stay a vegetarian. In another message someone wrote how they're favorite movie of River's is "The Thing Called Love", and that he looked so sad in that movie; and I have to agree with that person 100%. And I'm not sure if the same person or a different person wrote something about how there's people who you just want to hug and tell them everything will be okay, but I also think River was one of those people. I wish so much that he was still alive, because maybe if he was I could have gotten the chance to get his autograph, or even be able to just write him a fan letter. I hope he rests in peace, and that people can forgive him for the drugs; because they really weren't who he was. I'll always have a place in my heart for him; and I hope that somehow, just maybe, he knows that...

River, you may be gone...but you'll live on in my heart and soul forever...

"Don't Let Go"

P.S.-I'd love to hear from anyone who'd care to write me. My e-mail address is

My name is Aaron and I too was born on Aug. 23 . When River died I cried for hours not because I was sad but because I was angry. I thought this kid had his shit together and was on the road to great success I was so hurt when he died I felt that my world had crushed in on me. I respected River, admired River and wanted to have the privilage of seeing this young man succeed. But he died, he died a horrible death and I am still saddened by that. I wish I could have met him and just said hello. I hope his family realize how much he was loved by all and my prayers go to them. I also read on some other pages "does anyone think of him daily" well I do and probably always will thank you .

Aaron Burns

I just wanted to say that I love River and I always will. He was always my favorite actor and hero. I think his death was a terrible mistake that he never really meant to happen. I love him forever!


3 years ago River made a mistake that ended in tragedy. It saddens me to think of him. He was a hero to many people. To me he still is my hero. His mistake saved a lot of lives. People thought if it could happen to someone as famous and as well known as River why can't it happen to me. His death though sad and tragic was a lesson to all.

Just wanted to express my almost daily grief of the passing of River Phoenix... I just found this website and thought I would share my feelings about River.

What a kind and gentle spirit he was and I still can't believe he is gone....

E-mail me if you would like at

I actually got to meet River. Very unexpectedly. I was working in the box office in a music hall in San Francisco one night for an Ella Fitzgerald concert. The date was, as I recall, 30 November 1991, and this was the last concert she was ever to be in, in San Francisco. People were in line to pick up their tickets. They were the lucky ones. There was a line of people also waiting for last minute releases of tickets or for some other miracle. About 30 minutes before the concert began a man appeared at my window and asked for tickets for "Phoenix". Well, my heart jumped into my throat as I scanned the line behind this guy and saw a poorly disguised River (he was dressed way down and had what appeared to be a knitted, old looking hat with ear flaps on it and he was standing with a girl who later was introduced to me as Sue. Of course, I figured I'd know if there were tickets waiting for River, and as I turned my attention back to the man in front of me I felt a panicky feeling because I knew there were no tickets waiting and the concert was sold out. I told him (he turned out to be Sky Phoenix, an uncle, he said) that I was very sorry but I had no record of tickets being held under the name of Phoenix. He was very nice about it and as he summoned River up to the window (my hands were shaking by this time) he told me that the person who was supposed to arrange for the tickets was in the Carribean and perhaps didn't make the arrangements. As River came up to the window, Sky introduced him to me and said, "Smile for the man, River." Well, River smiled and I swear that the whole room lit up! Such a beautiful smile! I 'found' some tickets that "Ms. Fitzgerald's guests won't be using" and told them I was sorry that arrangements hadn't been made but that I had two nice tickets that they were most welcome to buy at $75 each. Wonderful! So Sky pulled out River's Optima card to pay for the tickets. Unfortunately, I had to tell them that the theatre I worked for doesn't take American Express cards. So River said, "Just give the man cash, Sky." Well, neither River nor Sky had any cash in their pockets, so they asked me if there was an ATM nearby. I gave directions to one which was very close and told them I would definitely save the tickets for them. So they left and some woman from the waiting line who overheard our conversation actually came up to my window and asked how it was that I had tickets for River but not for anyone else! Can you imagine! Well, I waited for them to come back for what seemed like an interminable time. Finally, they returned about 5 minutes before curtain time and said the ATM wouldn't give them any money! Then Sky asked if I would let River and Sue into the concert and he would go back to the hotel and get cash. Further, he had River give me his driver's license and Optima card which I could hold until Sky came back with the money. Needless to say, I was perfectly happy to agree to that. River kept thanking me and asking if there was anything he could do to return the favor. I told him I would love to have an autograph. He proceeded to write a very nice note to me which he signed. I was thrilled! He smiled once again and went into the concert with Sue. I immediately ran to the copy machine and made a few copies of his driver's license! When Sky came back, he gave me the money, I gave him River's driver's license and credit card and he thanked me once again and asked me if there was anything he could do for me since I helped River out. I asked him if he would please send me a signed picture of River and, furthermore, would he please send pictures to my other friends who were working in the box office that evening. He gave me a call sheet from the movie that River was making in San Francisco at the time. That movie was "Sneakers". Sky wanted me to have something that no one else would ever have. He also assured me that my friends and I would have our pictures.

Thank you, Sky (I got the picture and so did my friends.) Thanks so much, River, for the thrill of my life. I will never, ever forget you.

Love, Phil

I am writing to this site because I am concerned about some of the comments I have read on other sites. People are mad at River Phoenix "Rio" personally and his parents for his death. Even though I agree with the fact that upbringing ( which for Rio was unusual ) does play a huge role in the shaping of a child, I also believe that his parents did love him very much and if held somewhat responsible for contibuting to his downfall should be done so with delicate words. I never was a hardcore fan and never followed his personal life at all. About 2 weeks ago I saw a show on the E channel that was a biography on his life and being that I have no preconceived notions about what I thought he was or should have been I was able to make an objective conclusion on his behalf on why he was the way he was. I feel that he believed that instead of being loved by the people that mattered most to him he instead felt exploited. Not good enough to love but good enough to use. Whether this actually is true I don't have enough information on the others to make that conclusion. It's alright to be angry that he died, thats a normal reaction, however, I hope those that are angry at him personally will forgive him and move on to enjoy what he has left behind. I asure you he never meant to leave. Before I sign off I will leave a quote from "Stand by Me" which I feel is almost prophetic.

" It's like God Gave you something man. This is what we got for you kid try not to lose it. But kids lose everything unless there's someone looking out for them."

Who was looking out for Rio?????

Christena - www. ruby77.

When I was little, I was very shy an quiet. I had a lot on my mind but didn't know how to express it. While all my friends were talking about what they had done with guys, I thought about River. I was very shy and I hurt everyday. I felt so alone. River was my hope and dreams. I realize now that I was just making him into a mythical romeo, but at the time it was what I needed. Because of my shyness, I was very slow to start dating. While I was in agony over not having a boyfreind, River pulled me through, without having the slightest clue as to what he was doing for me! Although my life is much better now, and I have a wonderful boyfriend, I will never forget the days when River was my only hope, my sanctuary. He was like a crutch, holding me above my pain. Now when I look back on my younger preteen days, I remember good times. And I'll never forget River. He played an essental role in my preteen and early teen years. Although I am 20 now, he still lives in my heart. At times I see the world through his eyes and I just want to cry. But, he is there in every beautiful moment.


I saw stand by me when I was just a kid. I couldn't stop watching it. I felt conneted to the movie somehow, to Chris, to River. Since then I've always had a special connection with River. I feel that we are of the same generation, we felt a lot of the same terrors. For us, this world is a scary place. All of you are River's fans also so I know you feel the same. For good honest people to be corrupted by this world it is very scary. I grew up thinking I was going to marry River. I just knew that once we met, this connection would just overpower us. Now after reading all of your letters I see you all have felt it too. River was a consious, good hearted incredible human being. This world corrupted him. Don't blame his parents, they were just trying to protect him from the evil world that ironically killed him.

No-one could have stopped him. River was a free spirit, he needed to do what was right for him.

We all miss and love you Rio.

See you when I get there.

write me at

A small while ago I was deeply involved with the thought of River Phoenix and had been for about two years or so. I would cry for him and defend his hounor if I herd an ill word spoken. I had read certain biographies and learnt a fair amount of the young actors career. I even thought myself to be truely in love with him. I was always a bit embaressed though and would not tell many(if any) of my feelings for River. I suppose I thought it a bit off to think of someone so greatly whom I had not know, was a fair amount my senior, and who was dead. My heart was offen hurting and I often wished I disliked him. I no longer think of him as a loved one and I guess I've moved on. But every time I hear or read his name I think of a dear friend who I knew so well even if we never met. And I find it so true when in this one magazine it had a list something like the worst things to do acting wise... to not learn a thing from River Phoenix. He will be in my heart always.


Hi, my name is Joanna and I just want to say that I will always love River, no matter what. It`s so hard to accept that hes really gone.He was a great person, I know that, you know that, everybody knows that! I miss you River. Love


I think River Phoenix is the best actor I've ever known. I feel so close to him yet I don't know him personally, but I can feel all his misery, living in a wrong place and time.

I'm collecting everything on him, so if anyone can help me, or wants to know me better, or wants to express his/her feelings, just contact me at


Dear River,

I love you very much and I always will in the heart. River, why did you have to go? You left everybody (especialy me) with a broken heart. Now I just sit at home thinking about how you died in Stand By Me, then I start thinking about the song Stand By Me, then I think about the saddest part you died in real life, so I have to sit down try and hold the tears in but sometimes I can't.

Other times I get out my book THE RIVER PHOENIX ALBUM and I look at that face and think to myself "Why did you do it River why did you do it?"

Then theres other times I think to myself maybe it was the best thing to happen was for you to die because you got either sexually abused or beaten up by your parents. I still wonder why you did it!

Please remember though River know matter how old I get I will always love you in my heart!

Rest in peace River, I still do love you!

Love Always,


I was thirteen going on fourteen the first time I saw Stand By Me. It happened in the winter of 1991, a long time ago... but only if you measure in the terms of years.

That winter I had fallen in love with the movie. And Chris Chambers. Back then I didn't know who he really was, so I carefully wrote the name down: RIVER PHOENIX. And since then River has meant a lot to me. What really got me was his portrayal of Chris Chambers. It really touched me. I could see the truth in him. From the moment I saw him I had this feeling that I had met this guy before, that I had known him from the beginning of time.

Everyone around me thought that was just a phase for a 13 year old girl to go through; but it was a 15 y.o. girl who cried that night in November 1993, a 17 y.o. girl who was so exited to finally get her copy of "The Body" and 19 year old girl who's writing this now. Just a phase? No, I don't believe that anymore. The way things are going it could be a lifetime.

The movie changed my life and my point of view. River was the most significant part of it. And I know that everytime I see his photo or hear his name, I know that the person behind it is that 15 year old boy who played Chris, it's his innocence I think about and his strenght. Chris will always be in my heart as my first love.

Although River's been gone for four years now, I know I'll miss him forever. I could never forget him. Could anyone?

Just some lyrics from Bon Jovi's Never Say Die:

They ask what it is that I want written
On the gravestone where I'll lie
Tell them it's just my bones that died there
So save the tears they'll cry

My spirit is still riding
Somewhere in this night
When it's these three words that come to me
As I kiss this world goodbye
Never say die

I would like to hear from other people who love Stand By Me and River. We can also exchange posters or any other materials.

Please contact Ivana on:

Hi pals,I adore River sooo much and I have a big collection of stuff which I'm willing to trade. E mail me. Thanks


I'm sorry but whoever says he was in the wrong place at the wrong time must not know what happened. He killed himself, not intentionally, but nobody forced him to take those drugs. He shouldn't have died, but neither should any of the thousands of people who die from lung cancer each day. Celebrate his carear as an actor, mourn for the loss of the movies that he might have been in. You never would have known him personally anyway, and even if you did he wouldn't have given a shit about any of you. Sure, its ok to be sad that he's dead, but things wouldn't be much different if he were alive. He would be to old for any of you anyway. You don't feel any better? Well try spending your time with those around you, use your love on them, they care more about you than he ever would have.

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"How many times does his little brother have to hear that 911 tape? How many times do we all have to hear it? There has been enough pain already. This very talented young man made a fatal mistake. I hope that kids will learn from it." -- Johnny Depp

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